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We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like We have to get rid of dictators, but he's pretty much one himself. - Robin Williams
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Here is where you can read up on what I come across on this crazy journey that I call life.

This is crazy

portlyIn Bakersfield, California, anyone having intercourse with Satan must use a condom. (An asbestos one we presume.)

In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.

In Minnesota, it is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish. (Apparently it's OK for woman.)

No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.

Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you -- or holding you in his arms.

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Where I come from

portlyHILARIOUS READ IF YOUR FROM NEW ENGLAND

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about New Englanders

"Forget Rednecks ......."

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance And they don't work there, you live in New England.

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, You live in New England.

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with Someone who dialed a wrong number, You live in New England.

"VACATION" means going anywhere south of New York City For the weekend, you live in New England.

If you measure distance in hours, You live in New England.

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in New England.

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Police: iPad thief left behind debit card

STREETSBORO, Ohio (UPI) -- Police in Ohio said they were able to track down a man who took a $499 Apple iPad from a Walmart because he left his debit card at the store.

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Lawn-chair balloonist to fly in Iraq

BEND, Ore. (UPI) -- A Bend, Ore., man known for traveling 235 miles in a lawn chair lifted by balloons is planning a two-man journey over Baghdad.

Kent Couch, a Bend gas-station owner, was contacted by Fareed Lafta, known as the Iraqi "superhero," about the flight in Iraq, KTVZ-TV, Bend, reported.

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Students punished for 'mutual hug'

PALM BAY, Fla. (UPI) -- A Florida woman said she wants her son's middle school to do away with its no-hugging policy after her son received in-school suspension for a violation.

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The Early Show - Andy Rooney's final "60 Minutes" sign off

After 30 years as a staple of "60 Minutes," Andy Rooney gave his final sign off.

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A Guy Thing

Its a Guy Thing (Or is it the Perils of Having a Penis?)

I am in one of my "Andy Rooney" type of moods here (and may Andy rest in peace) and I thought I would share with you some of my thoughts and perhaps maybe even give you a good chuckle at the same time even if it may be at my expense, I have no problem with that, through the years not only do I poke fun at other people and things, I have also learned to be able to poke fun at myself as well.

I have been sitting here thinking about what to put up site this weekend and I got to thinking about a phone conversation that I had with a lady friend of mine in another part of the country about a few years ago along with some other conversations that I have had with a few other women as well about a host of different issues.

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George Carlin and Aging

thumb_George_Carlin_2Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five!

That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life...you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony...YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!

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Beer Farts and Other Observations

thumb_portlyHead Scratchers

- Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

- Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

- Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

- Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

- Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

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