Portly Irishman's Pub

A church pastor had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc.

The kitty would not come down.

The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and pulled it until the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten.

That's what he did, all the while checking his progress in the car.

He then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the kitten. But as he moved the car a little further forward, the rope broke.

Doug went to the eye doctor for an examination because he was having trouble reading the newspaper. "Now that you're over 40," the doctor told him, "you've developed a condition called 'presbyopia,' in which the lens of your eye can no longer focus as well as it used to."

Seeing his worried look, the doctor tried to be upbeat. "Con- gratulations!" he said. "You're now officially a presbyope!"